February – I’m… Happy?

It was my birthday on the 20th of January. I’m 22.

It’s taken me 22 years to be happy with myself. Worth it.

So, what’s the lesson of the past few weeks? What have we learned?
Quite a lot actually, some big lessons.

1. Find the people who care for and appreciate you. These are the people that will make you happy and support you. It sounds cliche and takes time but trust me it works.

2. Take time, a long time if you need, to just focus on yourself. Try to be as positive as you can, push out those negative thoughts. You might feel a little isolated at first but give it a week and you’ll feel refreshed and happy. If not, then maybe it’s not for you and there’s a good chance you’re an extrovert who feeds on other peoples energy. (You sound like a super villain)

Now back to me. Kuzco.

As ever, I’ve been exercising and eating well, I know it’s said too much but if you look good you feel good, and vise versa. Getting up early for the gym makes me feel good, like I’m in control, I know what I’m doing there. I go into a state where I can ignore everyone else in the room and just get on with what I want to do. I’ve got no one to impress, I’m doing this purely for myself and I enjoy that.
This is somewhat a theme to my month, doing what brings me happiness and not caring about others. Not in a selfish way, but just not caring what they think of me, even if that’s my friends. That has always been a big set back for me, I’ve never really cared what other people think about how I act or the interests I may have, but if my friends say that something’s a little weird, then it causes me to lose faith in it. I’m sure that’s the same with a lot of people, you take your friends opinions and thoughts to heart, so if they think something you’re interested in is weird, then it puts you off.

Temporarily (I hope) I’ve cut myself out of group chats and just wound back a little from it all. I’ve taken some time to really care about myself and do what I enjoy even if that’s nothing, or playing with the dog. I’ve started to care a little more for the people who care for me i.e my family. I’ve started taking a genuine interest in other people, making sure to see if there’s anything I can do to help.
Most importantly since the start of my little personal vacation, I’ve been happy, not a day has gone by that I haven’t been positive and optimistic. Sure I’ve had to force myself to stop thinking negatively at some points but it’s going to take time. I know people count their days sober when they stop drinking (8 months 15 days) and it feels so much like that, better even, another positive day is like another gold star I can add to a chart.
Not all days are going to be as good as others, today was hectic and quite stressful at work, but I’m not grumpy because of it, I got a lot of progress made that I can be proud of.

I believe this to truly be a new start, I can rebrand from ‘that miserable one’ to.. I dunno, something else. I really hope that I can show others this as well, to look at things in a different way. It probably won’t be as life changing as it has been for me and I bet if you ask anyone they’ll say I haven’t changed.
Maybe in a few months people will say that yeah, you seem a lot happier of late and I can respond with, because I am.

– Dan

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